42 and Lonely

Today is my birthday. I have family. I have genuine friends (old and new). They all love me and support me to the best of their abilities. So why do I feel so damn lonely???

The short answer: I've been minimizing my voice and my perspective in regards to my life-long observations, analyses, and intuition because I was afraid of feeling even more like a target for broad rejection and dismissal.

After 42 years, I still feel like no other human being actually knows the CORE of who I am. Everyone is familiar with PARTS of me - the ones that I show each person based on their own level and skill of perception. And guess what? I blame myself. No one else.

The best gift I have received this year on my birthday is CLARITY with the following divine message: There is nothing to fear. It's simply time for me to get more comfortable with being early in all ways. I am not here for the people of "now". I am here to connect the Present to the people of the Future (the chirren, as Black folks say).

A lot of us are here to be Connectors and time travelers (another topic for another post).

I've consciously decided to stop choosing other folks' feelings over truth and wisdom. As a highly sensitive empath, this is one of the toughest Earth lessons that my Soul had to master. It's just too exhausting and self-limiting for me to continue catering to other adults' fears, ignorance, and staunch allegiance to their indoctrination. I used to vent to close friends about feeling the weighted responsibility of holding space for other people's delusions and stunted emotional intelligence. I am now ready to let go of that self-imposed burden.

To all of you who may intrinsically feel and/or understand what I'm expressing in this post: I may not know who any of you are but, whenever you read this, please take this as confirmation that NOW is the time to free ourselves from other people's chains and energies that convince us we are somehow better off by being silent and invisible. Those are just outdated, generational wounds whispering in your ear.

One of our greatest powers is our ability to live our lives in connected, open, and authentic ways. And yes, a consequence of our authenticity is that we will provoke insecure and fragile people and systems. It's a part of the deal we made with the Divine before we got here.

Fuck it. We ball.